Mummy Guilt & All It's Absurdity!
Here we are again as we catapult ourselves into May. The sun is out a lot more and we are starting to venture out of doors more and more. This week, I have gone for an absurd topic on the blog...
Okay, so do you remember a week or two ago I wrote a blog post 'Stop.Saying.Sorry' because I have this terrible habit of saying sorry for everything and so much so that I basically apologise for existing? Yeah, well it is a terrible habit of mine and another terrible and harmful habit of mine is to experience extreme bouts of mummy guilt. I mean not just a small bit I seem to go in
for the whole Enchilada. I swear in fact sometimes, I actually approach feeling guilty about feeling guilty... it's ridiculous and I am not alone in these feelings. Apparently 88% of parents ( I am including Dads in this too) suffer some sort of stress-related ailment presumed to be partly to do with the guilt that we as parents suffer from.
So what on earth are we feeling guilty about? Mums have just spent 9 months growing this tiny person, losing control over their own bodies and putting it through an awful lot pre and post birth. Dads have had to stand by watching their loved one go through this and being unable to do anything other than provide support and ice-cream. Then we as parents spend the rest of our lives working hard to ensure they have the best possible lives they can. So
what exactly do we find to feel guilty about other than the odd 3am flicker of a thought that our child might actually in fact be some sort of demonic creature from another world who has been sent to test our strength and patience?
1. TIME OUT - Everyone needs time to themselves occasionally. Sometimes the world just becomes too much and we need to take a break. So, if everyone else needs this why do I feel guilty for needing to pee ? Let alone taking some time to have a long bath or dare I say it venture from the home?!
2. RECLUSE - So sometimes I find its an achievement that we make it to the end of the day with no disasters, Alyssa in good health and I have managed to get more than a few sips of coffee throughout the day (not always but sometimes.) Therefore, sometimes I will feel bad for not venturing out of the house or even postponing seeing friends, because as much as I would like to see them or go out somewhere that isn't a necessity, sometimes it is like a mission to get out the house and on days where sleep has been lacking it is too much effort!
3. NO - Okay, so a few weeks ago, Alyssa grabbed my skin really hard and pinched. Obviously she doesn't really know what she is doing, however I instinctively reacted with a sharp "No" that drew big eyes up to mummy's face and a questioning look that said "Mummy, what did I do?!" At this point the gates of guilt flooded open and I had to really restrain myself (and my blimmin mother) from kissing and comforting her. She wasn't actually upset and didn't really need comfort and I know that we should make our children aware when they do something wrong.... but those eyes!!
4. PAJAMAS - I went into town this week and was looking for some sun hats for Alyssa this summer. I happened across what I thought were the most amazing pair of unicorn pajamas. They were soooo nice. I picked them up, held them up to myself and put them back. My mum was like "why did you put them back?" I informed her that I didn't need them. I was then told that I had not bought anything for myself since the baby was born and they were £8 so I needed to sodding well buy them. Needless to say, I felt guilty about them when I got home...**sigh!!**
5. CHOCOLATE MONSTER - Okay, so I got 1 Easter egg this year... just one! Chocolate is currently my best friend so that egg was gone in like a morning. Alyssa, got around 10 from various family and most of them massive. Now, some were milk chocolate and I think at the moment its better that she only eat white, so I ate the milk ones for her. I'm rationalising because I feel really bad I ate her chocolate but it was late and an emergency situation... chocolate or copious amounts of vodka were needed... I went for choc!
6. SNORE - Okay, so sometimes (NOT all the time I might add) I find a few things about parenting slightly tedious. Okay, so the copious amounts of bibs and muslins? Or where you have literally just changed a nappy and they choose that moment to poop! I mean really?!? But then they need to poop and they need bibs and muslins, so....
7. BOOB - Now I started out as a breast feeder but discovering I couldn't carry on at 9 weeks and finally admitting that what I had to offer filled me with such overwhelming guilt I balled my eyes out. It wasn't until twenty four hours later when my baby was completely transformed after a day and night of bottle feeds when I realised I should have admitted it sooner and felt guilty for this instead!
8. BYE BYE - I have just started to work again and luckily I get to do that from home. However, I am still going to need a day without interruptions and where I can just get on. I also think it will be good for Alyssa to socialise with other children and so I am thinking about sending her to nursery for the day. However, this riddles me with guilt because I think that if I really tried I could probably work around her. Also, what if she thinks I have abandoned her? What if something happens and I am not there? Or simply what if? The brain part of me is saying don't be an idiot. Heart is saying don't let go!
9. CHILDCARE - Sometimes, we desperately need to hang the washing out, cook the dinner or simply really really need to pee. So put your hand up if you have ever turned the television on, put on Cbeebies and whacked them in their walker and let the TV do the babysitting? **Shamefully blushes and raises right hand**
10. PUSHOVER - I was doing it, I was being strong, I wasn't picking her up and then "mum, mum mum mum!" She has recently started saying my name and now uses it when she is feeling at her most pathetic to ensure undivided attention and cuddles from me. I just keep giving in... I shouldn't but I do!
Okay, so there we have ten of the parenting woes I feel most guilty about but there are a million more I could list too. Why do we do it? We are doing the very best we can so why do we beat ourselves up? Because in our heart of hearts we worry it's not good enough or that we could actually do better. **sigh**
That's all from Alyssa and I for another week. Don't forget to head over to The Baby & Toddler show and see what amazing exhibitors you can expect to appear this year!
Any exhibitors attending The Baby & Toddler Show this year who would like their products featured in a weekly blog post, pop me an email to admin@mummyinatutu.co.uk
Anyone looking for tickets for this years Baby & Toddler show head over to the website here for all the details
